


Shattered

by Writer_Geekgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, M/M, Mental Anguish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 11:25:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12341733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: In the end, nothing really matters but the job. Saving people, hunting things, the family business. He was always daddy's good little soldier.But once. But once, in the eyes of one special angel, he had been much, much more. He had deserved to be saved. He had deserved to be loved. He had mattered. He had found faith. But now that was shattered, broken, destroyed, fractured.





	Shattered

A moment. Everything can end in a single moment. In a moment, a soul can be shattered into a million little shards. In a moment, a heart can break beyond repair. Dean looked down at Castiel laying on the ground. His wings burnt into the ground around him.

Dean was overwhelmed by grief. He thought of all the lost opportunities. How he never told Castiel his feelings. How much he wanted Castiel to stay at the bunker with him. That Castiel gave him back faith when he had none. That he finally made Dean feel like he was worth something. That a high school dropout had been worthy of an angel's love.

Dean trembled and dropped to his knees. He would never hear the gravelly tone of Castiel's voice again. No more "Hello Dean." No more 'I'll watch over you." No more "Assbutt." Dean looked at the stars, imploring Chuck to return his angel yet again. 

Wings burnt into the ground. In all the times Castiel had been taken from him before, he had never seen that image. He had seen it for plenty of other angels. Angels that never returned. Angels never reforged by God. Angels lost.

Light that had burst out of Castiel's chest. He had seen Castiel's light before. When Castiel was threatening. When Castiel was smiting. When Castiel was healing. But now, that light was forever extinguished.

Castiel's eyes closed. Sparkling blue oceans gone. No more laugh lines that crinkled around his eyes as he smiled. No more drawing strength from Castiel by staring into his eyes. No more trying to convey feelings he could never put into words by simply looking longingly into pools of blue.

Memories of fractured pieces of conversation.

 _"I am hunted, I rebelled, and I did it all for you."_  
_"I'm doing it for you, Dean."_  
_"I gave you everything, and this is what you give me."_  
_"Good things do happen, Dean."_  
_"I could come with you."_  
_"You did it for the right reasons. Sometimes that's the only thing that matters."_  
_"I love you. I love all of you."_

Dean settled back on his haunches. He feels again the pain of losing his father in a hospital room, knowing he had sacrificed himself so that Dean could live. The pain of losing Jo and Ellen in a fiery explosion for a mission that accomplished nothing. The pain of watching Bobby die from a single bullet wound to his head. The pain of seeing Kevin with his eyes burnt out, lying on the library floor. The memory forever etched in his mind of Charlie covered in blood, lying in a bathtub of some anonymous motel. Yet, none of that anguish compared to what he feels now, looking up at the stars, knowing if he looks down he'll see Castiel motionless, eyes closed, with wings burned into the ground.

Shattered.  
   Broken.  
      Destroyed.  
         Fractured.

Yet, he knows he does not have the luxury of succumbing to grief. He cannot take beyond a few moments for himself, because the weight of the world is always on his shoulders. The weight of knowing that the world could yet again be on the precipice of ending if he doesn't act. The weight of knowing the lives of billions of people might end bloody and painfully if he doesn't stand. If he doesn't move on. In the end, nothing really matters but the job. Saving people, hunting things, the family business. He was always daddy's good little soldier.

But once. But once, in the eyes of one special angel, he had been much, much more. He had deserved to be saved. He had deserved to be loved. He had mattered. He had found faith. But now that was shattered, broken, destroyed, fractured.

He started to move, but then stopped. Didn't he deserve just one more minute of looking at the stars, pretending Cas wasn't lying on the ground in front of him? Shattered. A single tear slid down his face.


End file.
